Happiness Is
by TinkerBella7
Summary: Basically a fluffy Densi piece that I wrote for my Partner In Deeks Love, Sue. This is for you, sweetie. It's what happened when Deeks and Kensi come home after Spoils of War


They came home and Hetty gave them all a few days off, with Kensi getting a few weeks or more as needed. Deeks gave Kensi a ride home, all the while trying to convince her to go to the hospital. She refused, of course. But, surprisingly, she did let him come in. They didn't really talk as she left him to her couch.

Deeks was beyond exhausted, but he was also too wound up to sleep. Too worried about his partner. So he sat on the couch and turned on the tv, aimlessly changing channels. Somehow he managed to doze off, coming awake to a hand on his shoulder.

"Kens?" Deeks whispered, staring at her face as she stood over him. "You okay?"

"No." She held out her hand. "Please come lay with me."

He could tell it was hard for her to ask, and he took it for what it was, the need for comfort. So he got up and took her hand, wrapping his fingers around her cold ones before letting her lead him into her room. "Get under the covers," Deeks told her, pulling them back over her and tucking them in.

Only for Kensi to lift them for him to join her. "Please, Deeks."

"Okay." It would be hard to be so close. Hard to hold her for fear of hurting her, but Deeks slipped off his jeans and slid into bed. He settled on his back then waited as Kensi moved carefully to lie in the cradle of his arms.

"Don't leave," she whispered, her head tucked into his neck.

Deeks felt tears burn his eyes. He had never heard Kensi sound so damn broken. It was ripping him apart inside, and he would have given anything to be able to take the pain from her. But all he could do was promise, "I'm not going anywhere, Kensi. Go to sleep."

It took ten minutes before Kensi's body relaxed and Deeks knew she had fallen to sleep. He let himself drift off soon after, only to jolt awake when he felt Kensi shifting against him. No doubt she was trapped in a nightmare, so Deeks pressed soft kisses to her temple, whispering softly, "It's okay, Kens. I'm here. It's okay."

He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but they both drifted off again. Until it was his turn to be awakened by a nightmare. Memories of waterboarding the cleric hit Deeks like a ton of bricks. All the rage he'd felt in that moment. All the fear. All the guilt. More than anything he felt like he were drowing in guilt.

"Deeks?"

"Kens?" He turned to see her watching him, and it bothered him that he must have woke her up. "You okay?"

She nodded. "As okay as I can be. You?"

Deeks smiled, realizing it was light in the room, meaning they had slept until morning. "You're alive and home again. I'm good. Really good."

"I missed you," Kensi whispered, shifting a bit more so she could see his face better.

"I missed you too." Deeks knew the time for deflecting was over. They both needed to be honest now. "I thought...I thought I'd lost you."

Kensi closed her eyes, a shiver racking her body. "I'm so sorry, Deeks. I thought I was going to die. I made that choice without saying a word to you. I'm so sorry."

He pulled her close, once again pressing soft kisses to her temple. "I get why you did what you did, Kensi. I do. I know you needed closure. I don't blame you."

"You should." She shifted again, pulling away from him this time. Carefully she slid out of bed, looking small and fragile in her over-sized tee and baggy sweatpants. "I couldn't believe it when I saw Jack. I couldn't shoot him, Deeks. I loved him."

"Yeah...I know." Deeks sat up in bed, realizing that Kensi needed to talk. But the subject matter was painful. Jack Simon was the man that Kensi had planned to marry.

Kensi turned away. "When he left me, he moved on. Didn't take him long either." She laughed and the bitter sound echoed in the room. "A part of me always clung to the memory of what we had. I always wondered if he came back, would he still love me? But he didn't even think about me. He found someone else and had a family with her. He didn't look back."

Deeks slid out of bed, moving behind Kensi and carefully wrapping his arms around her. He felt her stiffen for a moment, but then she let herself relax, her body melding into his. "I'm so sorry," Deeks said, and he meant it. He hated the fact that Kensi was still hurting.

"He didn't need me," Kensi whispered, sounding lost and broken.

"I need you," Deeks replied, shifting her in his arms and lifting one hand to cradle her face. "I need you, Kensi. You are the most important person in my life. You always will be."

She clung to him, body trembling. "I'm...I'm so broken, Deeks. I'm...I'm a mess." She lost the battle with her tears, they slid down her face, unstoppable.

Tenderly, Deeks wiped them away. "Join the club." He cupped her face in both hands. "Kensi, I've been a mess my whole life. What happened to you...I get it. You know I do. It's get better, ya know? It does. I can promise you that. And I can also promise that it's easier to put the pieces back together when you're not alone. Let me help you, okay? We can help each other."

"I hate feeling like this," Kensi replied, swiping at the fresh wave of tears. "I hate being scared and jumping at shadows. I close my eyes and I'm back there again."

"I know, I know." Deeks pulled her into his embrace. "I still have nightmares, Kens. Sometimes I can't sleep, can't eat. I feel like I can't function."

Kensi huffed a tired laugh, looking up at him with sad, dark eyes. "Not encouraging," she teased.

Which gave him hope that he was getting through to her. That she was still with him. "It's not going to be easy, but you won't be alone, Kensi. I'm not Jack." He wished he could take those last words back, especially when he felt her stiffen.

"I know you're not," Kensi replied, and this time she lifted a hand to cup his face. She drew his head down and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "You're you, Deeks."

"And that's a good thing, right?" He hated how insecure he sounded, but Kensi was the only person in the world who could break him into pieces so small, he would never be able to put them back together again. Deeks couldn't imagine his life with out her. If she needed him to be patient, he would be paient. But he needed her more than he had ever needed anyone, and that terrified him.

Kensi nodded. "It's a very good thing. I need you to be...you. To be there for me and to put up with me. You know me, it won't be easy."

Deeks felt relief wash over him. "I don't care if it's not easy. Easy is boring. I'm not interested in boring, Kensi. You make my life...better. You make me better. Whatever we have, whatever this is, I'm in it for the long haul." Deeks figured now was the time to put everything on the line.

"Deeks..." Kensi paused, their eyes locked together for what seemed like forever, when she finally whispered, "Me too. I'm in this for the long haul, but I'm not going to lie to you. I'm probably going to push you away and piss you off and say stupid things I won't mean."

"So...same as usual?" Deeks countered, feeling happiness wash over him in waves. He couldn't stop grinning. They had never had the chance to talk about their *thing*, but now he knew that this was real.

Kensi laughed, wincing a bit, but still smiling until he pulled her closer and kissed her. She kissed him back, but they kept things gentle, both of them too wounded to take things any further at this point. They were in each others arms, safe and alive, and that was all that mattered.

Deeks broke the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything," Kensi replied, without hesitation.

"Promise me, no matter what, you'll let me in," Deeks replied. "You don't have to talk or share everything you're feeling, okay? I just want you to let me in. To let me be there for you, even if all we do is drink beer, eat ice cream and watch reality TV."

Kensi nodded. "I can do that. I *will* do that. I promise."

Deeks kissed her again, just because he could. "Are you hungry?" He would be more than happy to make her anything she wanted for breakfast, or take a donut run.

"Not yet," Kensi replied. "I'm still tired."

"Then lets sleep." Deeks led her back to the bed and tucked her in before sliding in beside her. He was content when she settled into his arms, her head resting on his chest. When he was sure she was asleep, he whispered, "I love you, Kensi."

He didn't see the smile that graced her face.

THE END


End file.
